Reflections on ‘Vortex’ Vs. ‘Toxic’ (I Just Know Someone Is Going to Steal ‘Vortex’)

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I modeled “Vortex” after “Toxic.”

Both are strong words. In fact, I would say “Vortex” is a stronger word than “Toxic” because the “x” is at the end.

Anyway, I am going to be devastated if someone simply scoops up my song concept and produces it without giving me any credit. I know what I’ve done. It’s a great song concept, if nothing else. It’s a great dance pop-rock hit in the making.

The only thing about “Vortex” is, it needs to be fleshed out. It’s got the hook, the song isn’t nearly a fully formed as “Toxic” is. It’s the seed of a mighty pop music oak. I did a great job with the concept — the video pretty much shoots itself — and the song is tailor made for {insert female pop vocalist here}.

Britney Spears, though, is ideal for the song because of her background.

Vortex is one word and it’s strong enough that you can dance to it really easily.

Probably what will happen is someone who, like, is established in the music industry will use what I wrote as a stepping stone and I’ll be ignored. But I’ll know the truth. I’ll know what I’ve done. I may burst into tears every time I hear it on the radio, but eventually I’ll be content knowing I managed to change people’s lives in a positive way. I will have lived up to my “potential.”

Anyway. Vortex is one of those songs that should exist, but as of yet doesn’t as best I know. Maybe it does. But it’s one of those songs, like the song “Cry” that I wrote, that I feel like it already exists and I just don’t know about it. I feel that is a good sign. That means my DJ side of my brain is cool with what I’ve managed to produce. At least, that’s how I rationalize it. Being a DJ is helping me a great deal when it comes to writing lyrics. I go with what I would play at Nori on a Friday night. That’s what’s guiding me with my lyrics.

I want to get out of this exile as quickly as possible. I want to move to NYC or LA and start a new life. I want to be the male narrative rock ballad version of Sia. That’s my goal.

I Hate This Feeling Of Doing Something Great And It Being Ignored (Is Someone Going To Steal My Lyrics?)

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I know what I’ve done.

I’ve written a timeless pop hit.

The name is perfect. What it needs is fleshing out some. But the concept and general sentiment are a pop hit. I know pop music. I know what people want. “Vortex” is a strong word and could be used in any different ways. I can see the video in my head already.

But I’m getting zero traction in my Webstats. No one from NYC or LA is looking at the post, even though I tweeted it to every name brand female singer I could think of.

If I was getting a lot of hits on what I posted, then I would know something cool was about to happen. As it is, no one has looked at the link at all. I hate that. I hate knowing in my heart I’ve done something really cool and being ignored. No one listens to me.

That’s the thing about ROKon Magazine — people actually listened to me and stuff and cool things happened. They only did it, of course, because of Annie Shapiro. She was the key. She was why we were a success. I provided the passion and vision and she provided the firebreak to me being a kook.

But I feel pretty good about the state of my lyrics. I’ve matured in a very short amount of time. I now produce quality verse on a regular basis using pretty mundane things as inspiration. That’s why I like Radiohead lyrics so much — he pretty much just uses everyday things to make art.

Anyway, my biggest concern right now is someone will use my song lyrics (or at least the concept) for a song and not give me any credit. All I want is my name associated with whatever is produced. That’s it. I want to be able to use that as a calling card for bigger and better things. I am good enough, I believe, to be the narrative rock ballad equivalent of Sia.

In fact, I will go so far as to say that with a little luck, pluck and opportunity my vision of “Nori Music” could become a reality. But I am realistic enough to know that I face some huge mutherfucan challenges. I don’t know music. I can’t play an instrument. The list goes on. But I do have innate writing ability. And if I could find a writing partner who knew music, then I think the sky’s the limit to what I could do. Really, the person I want to write with is Jhene Aiko. She’s perfect. But that’s probably not going to happen.

I continue to be worried about someone stealing my songs lyrics. All I want is credit for writing them. Why should that be so difficult to do? Because people — especially those in the music business — are selfish assholes who don’t want to give someone like me a break.

I guess what I want is success to happen tonight in such a way that I don’t have to go to work tomorrow. That’s what I want. That’s why I’m annoyed. I was sure that someone would notice that I wrote a great song, contact me and I could just not go to work tomorrow. I hate work, at least working in concessions, and I really need to move on.

But, alas, I’m fucked. I have to go to work tomorrow and continue to live in oblivion.

‘Vortex’ — A #1 Pop Hit For Britney Spears

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Ok, I’ve done it. I’ve written a pop hit. This is my 4th draft and I really like it. I still need a writing partner to polish it. This is written with Britney Spears in mind, but any of the big female pop vocalists out there could sing it well.

Vortex
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
(please give me credit)

to some I’m a little woodnymph
cute and sweet
laughing silently to my own jokes
easy as you please
in a tree
but those who know me
know the truth
I can hurt you
in my

vortex
vortex
vortex

I’m the kind of girl
who’ll stick in your head
one moment you’re in heaven
the next you just want
to be dead

when my winds strike
you with little notice
there’s nothing can do
but hold on tight
because in the middle
of the night
there’s no respite
from my

vortex
vortex
vortex

you’ll lose your mind
from the loss of power
when I shower you
with my fury

vortex
vortex
vortex

‘Sia I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down’ — Just A Ballad About Being Sick Of Sia Music & Wanting To Rock

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This is written to the beat of the LCD Soundsystem hit. This pretty much sums up my view of Sia…almost literally. But not really. I actually still like her music, even if it is boring and I want to rock.

“Sia I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down”
in the style of LCD Soundsystem’s “New York I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down”
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Sia I love you, but you’re bringing me down
Sia I love you, but you’re bringing me down

I’m a rat in a cage making minimum wage at a theatre door
at a job I abhor

Sia, you write safe music
and you’re wasting my time
your records sell millions
and you’re a great writer
who wrote Diamonds in 20 minutes
oh boy
oh boy
oh boy

Sia, you’re perfect
but just one thing
I wanna rock
I wanna rock
I wanna rock

your mild music grates on my nerves
I’m afraid
it’s kind of boring crap
I mean all disrespect
so my brain goes clink of replacing you
in the constellation of stars

Sia I love you, but you’re freaking me out
with how many of your songs are about
causing the death rock
that I hear on the radio call

Sia I love you, but you’re freaking me out
Sia I love you, but you’re bringing me down

like the death of an art form
oh where do I start about the death of rock music
take me off your list of fans
I’m afraid it’s that bad

Stan will always be there I’m afraid
but you’re much cooler than me
and people care if you live or die
while I could drop off the earth
and only the dirt would pity me
as I was put in its embrace

isn’t that just sad

‘Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom’ — A Silly Little Song #Lyrics

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One time someone from the VERY high powered NYC law firm Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom looked at Nori Magazine for some reason. I think that’s a funny name and “Flom” rhymes with “scum” so you get this song written as LCD Soundsystem’s “North American Scum” plays in my earphones. Let’s see if they notice.

‘Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom’
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner (some found verse)
@bumgarls
(please give me credit)

we all powerful and we’ll sue you into ruin
we are
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom
our clients are substantial and diverse
we are
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom

founded in 1949
we’re a law firm based in New York City
we have nearly 2,000 attorneys
we are
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom

Wall Streets most powerful firm
we’re America’s best corporate law firm
we are
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom

some people think we’re blood sucking lawyers
looking for a quick buck
(we’re not)

we are
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom!
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom!
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom!

we take pride in our product
and in providing the best possible legal services
to our clients
we are
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom

we’re one of the top firms in the world, bub
and don’t you forget it
and here’s the rub
we’ll look at your Website just for fun
we are

Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom!
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom!
Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom!

‘Pull A Runner’ — A Violent Femmes-Like Song #Lyrics

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I had a little meet up with a woman once and she “pulled a runner” on me. She vanished while I was in the bathroom. I came back and she was gone. I’m writing this one as “Out The Window” from the Violent Femmes plays. That’s the vibe I’m looking for. This would be a narrative ballad, however.

Pull A Runner
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
(please give me credit)

I was lonely and wanted to chat over a beer
with a new friend so I posted an ad
hoping it would make me feel less sad
soon enough a woman responded to me
and we meet up
I took one look at her and knew
there was half a chance she’d

pull a runner
on me
pull a runner
pull a runner
on me

she was kind of fat and sad
had something like three kids
I could tell she was silently judging me
thinking me a little shit
so I had no intention of asking for
head before the evening was complete
we didn’t hit it off, needless to say
she just wasn’t my type

I struggled to keep the conversation going
knowing that if I left for the loo
she probably would leave me feeling the fool
but what as I to do
I was feeling the urge and she wasn’t cute
thus I excused myself knowing full well
what would happened when I returned
I knew she would

pull a runner
on me
pull a runner
pull a runner
on me

I came back to my seat and indeed
she had vanished without a trace
good thing it hadn’t been a date
but I still felt bitter
bitter
that she’d

pull a runner
on me
pull a runner
pull a runner
on me

‘Lock On My Door’ — A Sad Song

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I feel sad. So I write a sad song.

Lock On My Door
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

the night comes and the cat enters yet again
light from the hallway wakes me up
I here the purr of my old friend
when will this waking nightmare ever end
concessions await me tomorrow morning
and all I want to do is work the box
with a new lover

I once had so much power and so many friends
my name ruled households of a mighty capital
now, though, no one will talk to me
the heat is too low and silence surrounds me
tension in the air breaks my tender heart
leaving me to want yet again a

lock on my door
lock on my door
lock on my door

nothing changes as the days sleepwalk
I don’t have the energy anymore to wake them
once I burned bright like Venus in the night
but my star as dimmed after an unexpected supernova

a Titan couldn’t save me now is my fear
I’m set to drift through bitter memories
without anything to my name but debt I can’t pay
and bridges burned behind me on whim

all I know is I just want a

lock on my door
lock on my door
lock on my door

‘Mykonos (All About That Ass)’ An Ode To Mykono Island Nightlife #Lyrics #EDM

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This one is my attempt to produce lyrics to a shake-that-ass-hot-girl song up there with Groove Armada’s “I See You Baby (Shaking That Ass).” It would have a great fast EDM beat to it that got you dancing and sexxy girls rubbing up against each other and kissing and stuff. These are just the lyrics. I leave it up to others to lay down a beat to it.

Some of the lyrics come from this video about the island. Think of it as found verse.

Mykonos (All About That Ass)
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
(please give me credit)

the siren of the Aegean Sea
that is the only place for me
it throbs with life of all types
not only in summer
but in winter
its cluster of white houses
shine in the Grecian sunlight
the real delight comes about
real fast when the sun is passed

I know one thing for sure
and that’s on
Mykonos Island there is only one rule
and that is shake what you got
’cause it’s going to get really hot
here, dear, it’s
all about that ass
all about that ass
all about that ass

the beaches of Mykonos are replete
with bodies that turn up the heat
there are many types and styles
of women to adore
with many treats in store
but there is one asset the island has
that can’t be found elsewhere
as nice and as round
Mykonos Island has the best asses
to be found

I know one thing for sure
and that’s on
Mykonos Island there is only one rule
and that is shake what you got
’cause it’s going to get really hot
here, dear, it’s
all about that ass
all about that ass
all about that ass

a place where you’ll never be bored
stay a night you’ll find delight
with a sexxy thing wanting a fling
she’ll rub your head not kick you out of bed
when you’re done she’ll let you rub her bum
’cause that’s the thing she’s most proud of

I know one thing for sure
and that’s on
Mykonos Island there is only one rule
and that is shake what you got
’cause it’s going to get really hot
here, dear, it’s
all about that ass
all about that ass
all about that ass

‘This Is The Ultimate’ — George Michael’s ‘Too Funky’ + Alex Gaudino’s ‘Watch Out’ #EDM #Lyrics

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I’m sexually frustrated, dwelling on the past yet again and I want to dance so you get these lyrics. I really like the videos to both “Too Funky” and “Watch Out,” so I’m bouncing back and forth between the two to write these EDM song lyrics. As always, I encourage someone to actually produce this song, just give me credit for at least the concept if not the lyrics. The story behind this one is Annie Shapiro’s favorite notebook in South Korea had “This is the ultimate” on its cover. One day when things were winding down with ROKon Magazine, Annie told me to go to a photoshoot instead of going to take pictures of a protest in downtown Seoul. Tahl and I got into a fight — we couldn’t even be in the same room together. She claimed my mere presence “ruined the vibe” of the shoot. (Which, given how stressed out I was at this time probably was right.) I was on the subway when I decided to look inside Annie’s notebook. In it, she wrote, “Shelton should have gone to the protest.” It’s almost like she _knew_ I was going to look inside her notebook while it was in my possession. That’s what this song is about. Anyway, if you want to know all about where all these lyrics are coming from, I encourage you to read my memoir of my time in South Korea, “Somehow.” It’s about 30,000 words and all these song lyrics I’m writing will make sense to you once you read it. This song would be a funk, bass driven song that sexxy girls would make out to on the dancefloor.

This Is The Ultimate
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
(please give me credit)

on the subway making my way to my fate
I look at your notebook
on it are the words

this is the ultimate
this is the ultimate
this is the ultimate

no intimacy between us anymore I’m afraid
thought I sure do need to get laid
girls on film swim in my around in my brain
we are all blind cave fish in the uterus of love
is what the sage says

remember being between your sheets
and the summer heat making us sweat
together you bet
laid my head upon your supple breasts
it was then that I looked into your eyes
after being between your thighs and thought

this is the ultimate
this is the ultimate
this is the ultimate

you’re my little woodnyphm
fluttering about
like a sexual butterfly
laughing silently at your own jokes
known only to thee
wish you’d land on a tree near me
and give me a kiss of bliss
whisper your secrets as you lick
my ear with your tongue before
you go down

all that was long ago
and all I can think of is
how things used to be
and how I want to return to that time
when I looked down and saw

this is the ultimate
this is the ultimate
this is the ultimate

“Freedom ’15” — (Updated “Freedom ’90” + The Vibe From “It Just Won’t Do” By Tim Deluxe) #EDM #Lyrics

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So, I found myself at work wanting an updated EDM version of George Michael’s “Freedom ’90.” I decided to write the lyrics while bouncing back and forth between “Freedom ’90” and “It Just Won’t Do” by Tim Deluxe [Feat. Sam Obernik.] I really like both songs and this is my attempt to write lyrics to a fast EDM track that mingles the vibe of the two songs.

Update: I like this one. It has potential. But it’s definitely a first draft. It’s a song that needs to be written but “Freedom ’90” is such a great song that it’s difficult for me to do an update in one sitting. I’ll come back to this soon enough.

Freedom ’15
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
(please give me credit)

been in exile way too long now and I’m going to escape
just you watch, check the lock on my prison door
I may be in hell now but I know the truth
one day I’ll be free from this current poverty
going to jump the fence and make run for it

the past has been dragging me down
for years now all I’ve done is dwell upon my
captivity and my sorry state
I used to be the center of attention with the light on me
and plenty of people willing to do as I say
now I’m all alone
without a single friend
other than a cold rain that complicates my plans
and a few Twitter trolls who cause me grief
we all want to be Internet famous
but in the end
what we all
want and need
is

freedom
it’s within our grasp
freedom
no more concessions to make
freedom

even the greats have found themselves
in dire straights
whenever you’re locked up in your mind
and think nothing will ever change
just remember
our friend Napoleon
he escaped from Elba on Feb. 26th
with the British navy lurking about
he may have met his Waterloo
but at least for a while
he had his

freedom
it’s within our grasp
freedom
no more concessions to make
freedom

with a little luck and pluck
fate will let you escape your current state
you’ll live up to your potential
and no longer will
you be a loser
or a delusional jerk with a good heart
without anything to your name
but
personal shame
you’ll have

freedom
it’s within our grasp
freedom
no more concessions to make
freedom

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